Now and Then and Now Again

I have spent much of the afternoon and evening in the company of lots and lots of family. But most of the family aren't actually here. In person, anyway. They are in piles and piles of photographs, and I've been spending time scanning, arranging and rearranging them so they tell a story.

In this case, it's the story of my Grandmother, who lived a very long and very full life. And because her mother lived a very long and very full life, there are some amazingly old pictures. It's fascinating in general to watch styles and trends change over the decades. It's another thing entirely to see your own relatives placed in those decades, often doing exactly what you would be doing today, if you were there.  Swimming at the beach, fishing in a boat, petting your dog ... not much has changed in the past hundred years.

So it seems somehow oddly fitting in these last few minutes of 2010 that I wish all of you a very happy New Year filled with family and friends and wonderful moments that will fade into memories, perfect for sharing with all the generations to come.

1918

One for the Books

 
The end of the year. It's getting to be that time again.

Best-of lists, Worst-of lists, Remember-when lists, memes of the past year passed around, resolutions made and lost -- for better or for worse, they all come to visit this time of year. I pondered doing a year-end meme yesterday and decided I just didn't have the time or frankly, the interest and picking through the last twelve months and choosing fatter or skinnier, richer or poorer, favorite this, most improved that, or desperately seeking a redo the other thing.

This year, like every year I dare say, had some of everything.  There were parts of it that need to crawl in a hole and die.  There were moments of wonderful news.  There was joy and sorrow, there were births and deaths.  I hate to add up the columns and give one final thumbs up or thumbs down on 2010.  That I am here at the finish line of this year seems success enough.  That I have the opportunity to do it all again, and maybe do a few more things right next year is reason enough to be optimistic. That there are some no longer here will always tug at my heart, but carrying their life and memory with me binds my soul and lets me smile in my sorrow.  That each new day can be worrisome at its best and paralyzing at my worst is a good enough excuse to stay in bed, but knowing that the love and support of family and friends is there for the asking is guarantee enough that despite the craziness, the sadness, the uncertainty and the fear, it will be OK. 

So 2010, for better or for worse, you're history.
And 2011?  I'm not looking to you for great things.

I'm looking at myself.

How to sum up a year... a decade... a lifetime?Nobody on earth says itor sings it better than Elaine Stritch and Stephen Sondheim

Unconscious Mutterings - Several Days Late Edition

I say ... And You Think:

1.  Detective :: Mittens
2.  Bra :: Necessary Evil
3.  Prove It :: Petulant
4.  The end :: Is near
5.  Messy :: Life
6.  Immovable :: Obstinate
7.  Jingle :: Bells
8.  False :: Prophet
9.  Comprehend :: Understand
10. Scream :: Munch.  Or PeeWee Herman (REAL LOUD)

This is the edition of Unconscious Mutterings known as I'm too tired to do much else. But that's OK, because you never quite know what you're going to get around here.

1.  Behold: Detective Mittens

You're rolling around in gooey, smelly evidence!

2.  Yeah.
3.  Proof is important and necessary in the scientific and mathematical world.  But I can't imagine any scientist pulling the preschool version of "Prove It!"  That sort of prove it is short hand for "No, it's not! I don't believe you!"  Generally proof is demanded when the demander is sure it doesn't exist.
4.  All I need is a cardboard sign, a tin cup and a squeegee.
5.  It's not the most romantic notion, but it's true.
6.  Lots of things in this world are immovable.  Mountains are immovable, and I don't even begrudge them their lack of mobility.  Still, when I see immovable I think of someone or something that simply doesn't try.
7.  What else?
8.  Back to that cardboard sign again.
9.  Did anybody else ever take reading comprehension tests by not reading the boring article on tectonic plates in New Mexico, but instead taking the questions and skimming backwards through the excerpt until you found the answer?
10. I just couldn't decide.

Cold as Ice

It's December, it's dark, and I'm freezing. Really, really freezing.

The car and the sofa aren't mine.

This is unusual for me, because I'm not usually freezing. In fact, I'm usually warmish. But tonight I'm freezing. And as long as I'm complaining, it's also December and dark. Wah Wah Wah.

The uh... ... ...  pillows aren't mine either.

 December will take care of its own damn self soon enough. I'm not entirely convinced its replacement is going to be an improvement, but we'll see, right? At least we're moving in the right direction. The dark is getting dreary. I don't know what it is about this year, but WOW it's been dark. Really dark. No stars and no moon dark. Suffocatingly dark. In theory, we are over the hump of darkness and are getting a bit more light each day. In. Theory. In actuality? I haven't noticed a change.

I did a Google image search for "darkness"

and discovered none of them would work.

Most of the pics are ridiculous vampire shot

or goth comic book fodder.

NOT at all what I was going for.

Tonight, though? Freezing. Freezing enough that I'm wearing a shirt and two sweaters, warm fleece pajamas, heavy socks and slippers. And still? Freezing. I'm hoping the cats are in a snuggling mood because for once those two gigantic fluff-balls could be useful instead of ornamental. Best I can do tonight is crawl into bed, fleece, sweaters, socks and all, and pray that I wake up on a warm, sandy beach. Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease...

A Little Bit Louder and a Little Bit Worse

I was thumbing through posts from January, 2010, thinking I might do a retrospective series of posts on the last twelve months. After scrolling through my January entries, it's obvious I need a plan B, because 95% of my posts talk about

1. Cleaning my house
2. My House is a mess
3. I'm being suffocated by clutter
4. Organization is highly desired yet eternally elusive
5. I'll never be finished

I'm like the home improvement version of 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall or the 12 days of Christmas.  You know you'll get to the end eventually, but you're sure to lose your sanity around 88 bottles of beer or 5 gold rings, respectively.

I think instead of recapping January (house. messy. clutter. bad) I better spend the rest of my time apologizing. I bet by now you all get the fact that I suffer from clutter. The rule may be a place for everything and everything in its place, but I can't get through the first half of that sentence without it being an utter failure. I don't have a place for everything, and that's the problem. My living space is very compact and is taken up by, well, living, so I don't have spare rooms scattered throughout my house to chunk my junk.  My only recourse is to constantly (yet far too slowly) whittle away at what I do have, separating things into piles to file, things to toss, stuff to shred,etc.

I'm making progress.  I really am.  But I say that all the time too, don't I?  I'm just hoping that if the purpose of life is the journey, not the destination, the same can be said for cleaning.  As long as I have another pile to sort, then I have reason to be here another day.  Who knew the fountain of youth came disguised as the mountain of mayhem?

The Morning After

December 26th is a strange day.

Some people celebrated boxing day, and others mark the Feast of Stephen. Some people are just happy the stores are open once again, while other load themselves up with store circulars and presents to return. While it's not Black Friday, The day after Christmas can look a little bit like The Day After once the shoppers finish their appointed roads.

Television viewing over the past several days has been hysterical.  FX decided that playing the animated movie Horton Hears a Who on continuous 24-hour tape loop would fill the world with the holiday spirit.  Boil that dust speck .... with figgy pudding!!  Another network has been having a Star Wars marathon over the past few days.  And tonight there was the awesome Christmas lineup of The Sound of Music or Independence Day.  Nazis or Aliens? World War II or Really really really mean aliens?  "Forgive me Reverend Mother, for I have sinned...I ripped out the heart of the automotive transmision which, frankly, isn't easy to do when you're in Bethlehem!"

Oh, Baby Jesus ... is this how you wanted to be remembered?

I'm somewhat torn between wanting to pick it up, pack it up and put it all away.  Not because I'm tired of it, necessarily, but because it would push me down the path of getting my house and myself organized.  Then again, I hate to take down the tree so quickly after I put it up.  It's a pretty reminder of the holiday, and the cats get a kick out of having some of the great outdoors sitting in the living room.  As usual I'm going to split the difference.  I'm going to pass on Horton and Darth and Maria and bloodthirsty aliens.  But I'm also passing on Miracle on 34th Street, It's a Wonderful Life and Christmas story.  I'm not going to take down my tree today or even tomorrow, but I'm certainly never going to make it to the end of the 12 days of Christmas.  I'm not going shopping, or boxing or feasting with Stephen.

I'm going to hang with the family, do a bit of cleaning, get a little more organized, catch up on sleep, recharge and get myself ready for whatever comes next.  As long as it's not aliens, I think I'm in pretty good shape.

Holiday Verbage

Blogging

Dozing

Blogging

Posting

Sleeping

Waking

Stumbling

Perusing

Greeting

Stuffing

Unwrapping

Smiling

Thanking

Baking

Puttering

Wrapping

Assembling

Tasting

Packing

Driving

Hanging

Chatting

Unwrapping

Smiling

Thanking

Eating

Chatting

Reminiscing

Packing

Thanking

Waving

Driving

Arriving

Practicing

Puttering

Reading

Dozing

Blogging

Posting

Sleeping.

Stars and Angels

For most people in this world, the stroke of Midnight on Christmas morning is what we've been waiting for since they started putting up the fake trees on Labor Day. The planning, the shopping, the baking, the parties are essentially a Mobius strip of warmup bands preparing us for the main event. Tonight Facebook exploded with Merry Christmas wishes at the stroke of midnight, followed shortly by many declarations of "and to all a good night." So, I guess that means by now all the wee ones are nestled and snug in their wee little beds, and the adults have settled at last for a long winters nap.

I might be a wee bit envious, because I didn't get back home from church until after 1am.

For a working musician who is also a parent of a heavily scheduled teenaged musician who are both card-carrying members of an entire family of working musicians, Christmas is what I'm waiting for too, but not necessarily for the same reasons.  Christmas is a giant symbolic finish line to a race that started around the beginning of November.  And don't get me wrong here -- I'm not complaining about Christmas the holiday whatsoever.  But now that I've made it to THE DAY,  I'm ready now to celebrate with the rest of the world and then move on.  It's nice to spend a lot of time with the things we already have. But if we never remember to look up, we will have missed so much.  There are new signs and songs and stories everywhere.

Calm and Bright

By George, I think I'm going to make it.

I have made it to the end of the work week, I have wrapped the most crucial presents, my shopping (except grocery) is done, and I'm sitting here calmly writing while I listen to Joe Williams sing Harold Arlen. OK, that isn't so Christmasy, but truth be told, I kind of like it that way.

Tomorrow will be a long day and a very late night, but I can honestly say it will be just fine.  There might be a little holiday cookie baking, but nothing frantic.  Aside from grocery shopping, one rehearsal, and one late-night church, my day is only going to be as busy as I choose to make it.  And this year, I think I'm choosing to coast a bit and enjoy.  Hopefully that will include a little cookie noshing and listening to the service of Lessons and Carols broadcast from England.

Even thought it's already December 24th, I'm feeling a wee bit optimistic that I might get this "all is calm" stuff down after all.

Tree for Two

With a whopping two days to spare, we just got our Christmas Tree decorated tonight.  TeenTuna had strung the lights earlier this week, so the tree wasn't entirely bare, but it was nice to finish the job before baby Jesus headed off to college.

It's tough when it's Christmas Break and there is as of yet no discernible break.  Sure, we're not dashing off for the high school at 6:45am, but I'm still working working, and TeenTuna is spending her time catching up on sleep (good), helping around the house (extra good), talking with friends (expected), going out with friends (expected, good, and necessary), practicing and doing homework (non-negotiable).  I think the Christmas shopping is done, but I won't really know until I sit down tomorrow and do last minute figuring.

I'm still waiting to be magically, wonderfully infused with the holiday spirit.  I'm not exactly bah-humbug, but the jingle-bell, angel-wings, caroling-caroling Christmas spirit hasn't hit me yet.  Tomorrow isn't the day before the day before Christmas, tomorrow is Thursday.  But I still have time to hop on the Christmas bandwagon if it and I both slow down just a bit.

I think I can
I think I can
I think I can
Maybe?

Do Not Disturb the Snails

As I live and breathe and make my way through this world, I have discovered that I seem to have only two speeds -- snail and Tasmanian devil.  Actually, snail is overstating it a bit.  It's not really snail.  It's more like statue.  So, I either do nothing at all, or I run around like a crazy person for days or weeks on end, only to instantly revert back to statue status until it's time to wake up and dash away, dash away, dash away all.

I wonder what happened to my middle-man?  Seems my genetic makeup is incapable of putting "slow and steady wins the race" into practice.  So, I go with what I've got, and I deal with Jekyll or Hyde (which ever one shows up) as best I can.  In short doses either one is tolerable.  The real trick is coaxing the other half out in order to achieve (or at least work towards) some kind of balance. 

Lately, despite the frantic pace of the holidays, I'm pretty much stuck in statue mode.  I do those things that are considered to be crucial, but otherwise, I'm pretty much stuck in a rut, waiting it out.  Statue mode is great when necessary activities include watching TV, surfing the web and taking naps.  Sadly, those activities are not a required element on any given day. Frankly, I'm still waiting for Tasmanian devil to hit.  I had a small dose of it this past weekend and managed, in only a few hours, to finish up lots of Christmas shopping.

 But now I'm back to statue mode.  Maybe it's laziness.  Maybe it's the cold, damp weather.  But if it isn't crucial to kick my life into overdrive, I'm going to spend this Christmas break being a bit more accepting of my inactivity, and chalk it up to a well-needed bout of rest and relaxation.  After all, if Baby Jesus was asleep on the hay, I think I can snag a couple extra hours of shut-eye.  Ready..... Set.....

Shhhh.....

Making a List and Ignoring it Twice

I was really, really, really meaning to get to this earlier tonight, but once again, it is after 11pm and I'm just starting. I don't know what it is with me. I am awesome when it comes to good intentions.  Today I knew I was dragging and I knew the best solution would be to turn in early, grab some extra sleep and come out swinging tomorrow. Did that happen?  Heck no.  So tomorrow, it's probably going to be my impersonation of The Walking Dead: Tuesday edition.

Now that I'm on break from teaching and consequently am working only one job instead of two, I should be catching up on lots of things.  It's time to get my house in order (even a little bit), catch up on the chores, and start wrapping presents.  So far, not much of that is happening, although I managed to bust through some laundry last night, and a super fantastic teenager helped finish it today.  Yes, teenager.  Yes, helped.  I know ... I damn near cried.  I also working toward switching out my seasonal clothes.  It's been cold as Canada here the last couple of weeks, and I have been hunting down warmer clothing on an as-needed basis.  Well, I need them, and I need them now.

I am also working sporadically on archiving my music into a single location (oh, what a PAIN!), and cleaning up my computer hard drive in general.  I need better storage and backup plans, and I'm finally getting around to doing something about it.  It's just a slow, meticulous process.

Increasingly though, I try to do what I can, and I no longer beat myself up when things are left undone.  Tomorrow is another day, and I'm sure my mental and physical to-do list will still be at the ready, waiting for attention.

Beware of Spoilers

You'll either understand this or you won't (Hopefully you will)
You'll either be spoiled or you won't (Hopefully you won't)
But in the realm of extremely unimportant news, this made me happy.

 

Way to outwit, outplay and outlast, dude.

Intermission

Concert tonight, and while my brain is on overload, my body is on coma-load.  I have lots of ideas floating around in the back of my head, but for the time being, that's where they are going to stay.  I'm not even going to fall victim to the siren song of the Haiku, because I'm not sure I can rely on my fingers and brain to count correctly.

Instead, tonight I leave you with some random pictures.Taken from Meijer Garden in September, 2010, they mindful of many things.

Light

Humility

Protection

 

Joy

Rest

We'll just see what I can come up with tomorrow.

Rat Meet Race

Today I finally sat down and made a plan. You know, a list making, list crossing-off, holiday consumer  economy-propping-up kind of plan. Now for those of you who are already finished, wrapped, bowed, tagged, ribboned, and have moved on to chestnuts and an open fire, well.... whatever. I'm not. Not even close. 

You may think I'm running very late in my annual Santapalooza, but to that I must say on the contrary...I'm actually a bit ahead of schedule.  And tonight, on the last Friday night before Christmas, I went out into the fray to do some damage on my list.

And I did.
And it wasn't painful.
And people were helpful.

So although I was tired when I was finished, humanity and I were still on pretty good terms.
Who says there are no such things as Christmas miracles?

This is how it goes:

"I need help" (bat-bat-eyelash)

 Employees smitten.

OK ---- not smitten,

But they were helpful humans

polite and friendly

My job? Make them laugh.

Too bad tonight's shopping list

contained no dongles.

After today when

Three days worth of stuff were packed

into one...Rest. Sleep.